The loneliness is real. It does not matter if the narcissist discarded you or you left them. To be honest, most likely you felt lonely while you were still with the narcissist. Dealing with loneliness after narcissistic abuse is challenging. As painful as this time is, learning how to rebuild yourself from the inside out is crucial.
Survivors often struggle to rebuild as they navigate the loneliness. Everything in your life suffers during this time. Your support system is there but under-utilized. There are so many valley moments you find it hard to overcome it all, so you isolate and disconnect even more. It is important to recognize this is a natural response to the trauma of narcissistic abuse. There are practical strategies to help you effectively work through loneliness. This post will help you uncover many techniques to heal.
Here are some tips for dealing with loneliness after narcissistic abuse:
Take The Time to Process Your Emotions
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is traumatic. You can expect to experience a wide range of emotions. As you battle to come to a place of acceptance you may find yourself feeling intense levels of loneliness.
In the beginning stages and sometimes long after the narcissist is no longer in your life you may find yourself ruminating. Survivors of narcissistic abuse tend to reflect on past experiences and emotions connected to the narcissist. Emotions of anger, sadness, and fear are common. One of the many hopes is that as you continue to heal you will become more calm, powerful, and peaceful.
Practice identifying emotions without judgment. Spend time going deeper into processing what the emotion is truly saying to your heart and mind. Consider the example. Instead of identifying you are mad go deeper. Common feelings under the surface of anger are hurt, rejected, unheard, disrespected, discarded, abandoned, and tricked, just to name a few.
Allow yourself the time you need to work through the grief, betrayal trauma, and additional emotions and experiences you have had due to narcissistic abuse. Do not ignore your emotions. Pushing them down or stuffing them inside will not work long term. Give yourself the opportunity to fully process all of your emotions.
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Connect With People for Support
Being with a narcissist can cause such high levels of isolation and loneliness it is important to connect with people in your support system. Staying disconnected from support allows loneliness to grow. Connecting to your support system empowers you to move through the healing process in a supportive way.
Many survivors find it difficult to trust people after experiencing narcissistic abuse. It is still important to connect with a support system to help you heal. Build new healthy connections. You might want to consider support groups, volunteering, and engaging. Participate in activities that align with your values and personal interests.
While it may be difficult to trust others after experiencing narcissistic abuse, it’s important to reach out to supportive people in your life or seek out new relationships. Consider joining a support group or participating in activities that align with your interests and values. This can help you build new connections and regain a sense of belonging.
Choose people who you feel will not judge you and provide a safe space for you. Remember, you do not have to share every detail of your experience with your support system. Many survivors struggle with sharing information with their supporters out of fear of judgment or making the narcissist look bad.
You are not a bad person if you express your experiences with the narcissist to your trusted support system. You are stating your facts and perspective. You are not making the narcissist look like a “bad person,” did it.
Go to Counseling
Connecting with a professional support system is very important in processing feelings of loneliness after narcissistic abuse. The details that you don’t want to share with family and friends and other supporters can be shared in counseling. Choose a counselor who specializes in narcissistic abuse. You may also find that the counselor has experience with betrayal trauma and grief. Select a counselor you feel comfortable speaking with about your concerns.
Initially, you may struggle with opening up and expressing yourself as you come to terms with not only the loneliness but the depths of the deception and manipulation caused by the narcissist. You can expect to process the different stages of grief, PTSD, C-PTSD, betrayal trauma, anxiety, depression, and additional concerns unique to your experience.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSPractice Self-Care
A key part of fighting against loneliness is to develop a healthy sense of self. Participate in activities that bring you joy and peace. You know, those positive emotions you haven’t felt in a long time since being with or without the narcissist. Self-care can be bubble baths, nature walks and pedicures if you like those types of activities. For some people self-care might mean setting firm boundaries, not being available, going no contact or low contact, practicing self-compassion, and saying no more than yes. Make sure you are taking healthy steps to support you’re healing from loneliness and narcissistic abuse. Essential parts of self-care should include healthy eating and sleep habits.
When considering self-care use a holistic perspective. Combat loneliness by participating in self-care activities that promote emotional, mental, physical, financial, social, spiritual, and environmental wellness. You do not have to take all of these holistic markers into consideration all at once. Start simple. Do this in a way that will be supportive of your healing from loneliness after narcissistic abuse.
Give Yourself Closure
Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle with not experiencing closure from the narcissist. This increases the sense of loneliness. Know this, you do not need the narcissist to have closure. You can create closure for yourself. Begin to accept what has happened. Seeing the narcissist for who they truly are, and not their potential, will help you push past the pain of loneliness and into closure. Explore the relationship’s true impact on your life. Do not focus on the starry eye rose petal moments of fleeting happiness. Counseling will help you process your loneliness and experiences in more depth.
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FIND JOYFocus on Self-Love
Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle with feelings of low confidence increased fear, worry, and self-doubt. Part of dealing with loneliness after narcissistic abuse means focusing on loving yourself more. Remember, you are worthy of all the greatness life has to offer. Do not let the narcissistic abuse and the narcissist limit you. You have the power and the potential to be amazing. Redirect all the love, attention, energy, and effort you put into the narcissist back into yourself. This is not selfish, is it survival.
Redefine Loneliness
Instead of seeing yourself as a victim who is unable to overcome narcissistic abuse and loneliness consider yourself as free to explore new opportunities and possibilities. Consider you can be alone and not be lonely. Use this time and space to reacquaint yourself with yourself. Explore hobbies, interests, and activities that support you. Find simple ways to reconnect with yourself. Make every effort to go from being lonely to loving yourself completely. This is a time of healing.
Practice Gratitude
There is so much loss considered when dealing with narcissistic abuse it is important to practice gratitude. Take those tiny moments to reflect on what you have to be thankful for in your life. Doing this helps you to shift your mindset from one of loneliness to love and fulfillment. Consider journaling and making a list on your phone daily.
Dealing with loneliness after narcissistic abuse is challenging. With practice and patience, you can conquer it.
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