Have you had your confidence crushed by a narcissist? Dealing with a narcissist is traumatic. Narcissists make your whole life spin out of control. The emotional, mental, and physical toll is excruciatingly painful. You may find yourself feeling more vulnerable, and insecure. While the feelings of fear, and powerlessness increase your confidence decreases. The experience leaves many survivors feeling a deep sense of loss, grief, low self-esteem, and betrayal trauma. Narcissists have a way of making their victims feel powerless, insignificant, and undeserving of respect and love.
Frequently feeling like you are wrong overreacting you didn’t see what you saw or what you felt was wrong are all parts of the manipulative gaslighting behaviors then make it hard for you to trust. The abuse caused by a narcissist makes it difficult for you to believe in yourself and anything else. With effective support, information, time, and consistent commitment you can heal. Reclaim your power. This post will teach you how to get your confidence back after narcissistic abuse.
Recognize the Abuse Was Not Your Fault
First, I will start by sharing many survivors struggle with accepting the fact that they were abused. It is hard to accept that the person they loved, cared for, and respected caused such intense pain in their lives. So much manipulation happens in a narcissistic/toxic relationship. One of the most important parts to remember when recovering from narcissistic abuse is that it’s not your fault. Narcissists have a way of making their victims feel responsible for the narcissist’s behaviors. Statements like “I only act this way with you” or “You made me do this” pepper arguments. The blame-shifting, gaslighting, and other forms of manipulation make it hard for survivors.
You may have taken inappropriate ownership of problems you did not create. Taking ownership of your abuse as if you deserved to be abused lowers your confidence. Having Low confidence makes it harder for you to heal. You are not responsible for the narcissist’s actions. You are worthy of love and respect, and you do not and did not deserve to be treated unkindly under any circumstances.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Be selective of the company you keep. It is important to stay connected to a healthy support system. Choose trusted family and friends. People who will uplift you, not judge, and provide encouragement are helpful choices. An effective support system has people where value and respect are mutual. Consider adding people who understand what you have been through. They may be better equipped to provide emotional support. They can help you realize your worth and remind you that you are not alone in your healing journey. If you have lost contact with your support system. Make an effort to reconnect or reestablish a new support system.
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Set Achievable Goals
An important part of getting your confidence back after narcissistic abuse requires you to set achievable goals. Setting achievable goals helps you regain your confidence and sense of control. Start with small goals you can easily achieve. Work your way up to larger goals. In the beginning, your goals might look something like taking a daily walk around the block, later your goal might become setting clear and firm boundaries. Still other goals such as being able to get through the day with fewer emotional breakdowns. Choose goals important to you improving the quality of your life.
Celebrate Your Success
After experiencing abuse from a narcissist, you may find it difficult to acknowledge anything positive in your life. Do not forget to celebrate. Enjoy each successful moment along the way. Do not disqualify yourself or your experiences. no matter how small. Each step you take to improve your life is another step in a positive direction. Acknowledging your accomplishments helps you to maintain a positive outlook. Your ability to praise yourself as you make progress pours more coins into your confidence bucket.
Being able to celebrate your success allows you to recognize your strengths. Your ability to acknowledge your strengths is important because it helps you to acknowledge positive parts of yourself. So much invalidation happens in narcissistic abusive relationships survivors lose their ability to see their true strength and character.
When you are not careful narcissists will make you doubt yourself and your abilities. It is important to believe you have value and worth. Your talents, skills, abilities, gifts, and qualities make you unique. You are worthy just as you are no additional pieces are required.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is not selfish it is survival. It is essential to the healing process. You may have given so much of yourself to the narcissist you have neglected yourself. Your best interests, needs wants, and desires have all been put at the bottom of your to-do list. You must take care of your needs. Consider your emotional, mental, physical, and financial needs. When these parts of your life are neglected your stress levels increase, and more challenges happen.
Your self-care might look different than someone else’s and that’s okay. Do what is best for you. If self-care for you is bubble baths and peach bellinis (bellinis in moderation of course) on your terrace cool. For someone else, it might mean watching your comfort shows and taking breaks to talk with your best friend. Taking care of yourself helps you feel more confident. It is an opportunity for you to create comfort and healthy control in your life.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSReintroduce Yourself to Yourself
You don’t just lose your confidence you lose your identity when you deal with a narcissist. Unintentionally you may have become so mixed up in the narcissist chaos you are no longer able to know where you begin, and the narcissist ends. You must know who you are to get your confidence back after narcissistic abuse. Some core parts of your character will stay the same while other parts of you will have changed due to your experiences with the narcissist.
Become reacquainted with yourself by making a list of your strengths, likes, and dislikes. Do not be discouraged if you struggle with listing your strengths. After experiencing so much trauma you can expect to struggle with identifying your strengths. Remember hobbies, character traits, values, hobbies, and interests about yourself you appreciate. Explore different aspects of your life you are interested in nurturing.
Go to Counseling
One of the greatest ways to get your confidence back after narcissistic abuse is to go to counseling. Having a professional on your side to help you process your emotions and experiences is very important. In counseling, you will be able to develop many effective coping skills to help you heal. You can expect to learn more about narcissism and yourself. You will be able to have clarity. Counseling helps you rebuild a healthy relationship with yourself. The foundation then becomes the springboard upon you to build your confidence.
It is important to choose a professional counselor you feel comfortable talking to about your concerns. Select a counselor who has experience with narcissist abuse. Topics such as betrayal trauma, grief, C-PTSD, rebuilding your confidence, Depression, and Anxiety are also topics common for counseling sessions for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Expect to learn more about the tools you need to rebuild your confidence and strategies to continue your healing journey.
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FIND JOYSet Boundaries
One of the most important changes you can make to get your confidence back after narcissistic abuse is to set firm and clear boundaries. The boundaries allow you to create stability and safety for yourself. Flexing your confidence muscles means you are not afraid to honor yourself. Making this change in your life means you are not going to betray yourself. Prioritizing yourself and your needs is a healthy way to strengthen your confidence abilities. Healthily taking control of your power puts you in a healthy position of power.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk
The negativity the narcissist once damaged you with does not get to control you anymore. Without knowing it the negative comments, and criticisms the narcissist attacked you with took root. The slow drip or heavy drenching of negativity changed the way you felt about yourself. When the narcissist is not around a flood of negative thoughts still happens. Now, the negative talk is not coming from the narcissist but from you.
Challenge the negative thoughts with the truth. Know who you are, not what the narcissist says about you. Create a list of positive affirmations and use them frequently. Whenever you have a negative thought about yourself challenge that thought with two positive truths.
Getting your confidence back after narcissistic abuse is a challenging journey and you can do it.
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