As the leaves change color and the days grow shorter, the shift from summer to autumn brings about a unique set of challenges for survivors of narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Although you may love the cooler weather and pumpkin spice, the spice of a narcissistic relationship is NOT the type of spice you want in your life.
The crisp air, nostalgic scents, and festive activities that many people look forward to serving as powerful reminders of past trauma for those who have endured narcissistic toxic relationships. This blog post will provide you with insight, and practical strategies for managing the seasonal changes with awareness and self-compassion.
The Impact of Seasonal Triggers on Victims and Survivors
For survivors of narcissistic abuse and trauma, Autumn can be a particularly triggering time. The nostalgic triggers related to past abuse and trauma can resurface as the seasons change. For example, the smell of peach cobbler or the sight of fallen leaves might remind someone of a time when their abuser orchestrated a particularly cruel event or gaslighting episode. Such sensory reminders can cause flashbacks or heightened anxiety, leading to increased stress.
Consider Jill, a survivor who recalls an emotionally abusive Halloween with her ex-partner. Each year, the decorations and costumes that once brought great joy now stir up painful memories and feelings of dread. The shift in weather, shorter days, and approaching holidays amplify her emotions, making Autumn a difficult season to navigate. Understanding these reactions is common, and part of the healing process is the first step toward managing them.
Identify and Acknowledge Specific Seasonal Triggers
The first step in managing Autumn-related triggers is to identify and acknowledge them. This means paying attention to the specific sounds, smells, sights, and even weather patterns that provoke memories of past trauma and abuse. For instance, if the crunch of leaves underfoot brings back distressing memories, acknowledging this trigger helps you to create a plan to manage it.
Briana, another survivor, finds that the sound of the wind howling outside reminds her of arguments that took place during stormy nights. By recognizing this, she can prepare herself emotionally and develop strategies to soothe her anxiety when she hears the wind.
Develop a Personalized Coping Plan for Managing Triggers
Creating a personalized coping plan is essential for dealing with seasonal triggers. This plan might include specific activities or routines that provide comfort and stability. For example, if you know that certain scents trigger anxiety, you can prepare by having calming essential oils or a favorite scented candle on hand to counteract the negative associations.
If you struggle with the changing of daylight hours, develop a routine that includes light therapy sessions as well as maximizing natural light exposure to help improve your mood. You may also want to consider evening relaxation exercises. These practices help you maintain healthy control, and balance during a season that might otherwise feel chaotic.
Use Grounding Techniques to Stay Present
Grounding techniques are powerful tools for staying present and managing anxiety. These techniques include physical activities such as holding a comforting object, practicing deep breathing, or engaging in mindful observation of your surroundings.
Survivors who often feel overwhelmed by seasonal changes can find solace in carrying a small, smooth stone in their pocket. When you feel triggered, hold the stone and focus on its texture, bringing her attention back to the present moment and away from distressing memories.
Create New, Positive Associations with the Fall Season
Reclaiming the Fall season by creating new positive associations is incredibly healing. This might involve participating in activities that you enjoy or have always wanted to try but never did due to the narcissist and the toxic relationship.
For instance, you can start a new tradition. Consider going on a new scenic hike every Fall. Discover the beauty of nature and the sense of accomplishment from completing the hike. Make your coffee with your favorite seasonal coffee creamer. Create new, positive memories that gradually replace the negative ones associated with his past trauma.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSPractice Self-Compassion and Avoid Self-Blame
It’s crucial to practice self-compassion and avoid self-blame when dealing with triggers. Understand that it is natural to have a strong emotional response to reminders of past trauma. Give yourself permission to feel and process your emotions and experiences without judgment.
For example, Lindsey who often feels guilty for not enjoying the Fall season like she used to, reminds herself that healing is a journey. She practices self-compassion by writing affirmations and kind messages to herself. This helps her to remind herself that her feelings are valid, and that she is doing her best.
Engage in Sensory Grounding Activities Like Holding a Comforting Object
Sensory grounding activities can be incredibly effective in managing anxiety and staying present. Holding a comforting object, such as a soft blanket or a favorite piece of jewelry, can provide a tangible anchor to the present moment.
For example, you may keep a soft scarf that you purchased in the past. When you feel overwhelmed, wrap it around your shoulders and focus on the texture and warmth, which can help you feel safe and grounded.
Utilize Visualization Techniques to Create a Mental Safe Space
Visualizing techniques help create an emotionally and mentally safe space. The visualizations can help you retreat when you’re feeling overwhelmed. This might involve imagining a serene place, like a peaceful beach or a quiet forest, where you feel safe and relaxed.
For example, Ana, who often experiences flashbacks during the Autumn season, practices visualization by imagining herself in a cozy cabin by a lake. The mental imagery helps her escape the distressing memories and find a sense of calm.
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Plan Regular Check-Ins with a Counselor
Regular check-ins with a professional counselor provides you with ongoing support. The guidance is helpful as you navigate seasonal triggers. A counselor can help you develop coping strategies, process emotions, and support your progress.
Jasmine, who has been in counselor for several years, finds scheduling extra sessions during the Fall months helps her stay on track with his healing journey. Her counselor provides a safe space to discuss her feelings and offers practical advice for managing triggers.
Participate in Fall Activities That Bring Joy and Relaxation
Engaging in fall activities that bring joy and relaxation helps shift the focus from negative associations to positive experiences. Whether it’s apple picking, visiting a pumpkin patch, or simply enjoying a warm cup of hot white chocolate, finding joy in the season can be incredibly therapeutic.
If you are the type of person who dreads the Fall season having annual activities to look forward to can help you manage your triggers effectively. The positive experiences and memories she creates there help her reclaim the season and find happiness again.
Use Calming Essential Oils or Aromatherapy
Calming essential oils or aromatherapy are effective tools for managing anxiety and creating a soothing environment. Scents like lavender, chamomile, and eucalyptus help promote relaxation and reduce stress.
For example, Marie diffuses lavender oil in his home during the Autumn months. The calming scent helps her feel more relaxed and provides a comforting atmosphere, which is especially helpful when she feels triggered by seasonal changes.
Navigating the changing seasons as a survivor of narcissistic abuse is challenging, but with awareness and the right strategies, it is possible to manage triggers and find peace. By identifying specific triggers, developing personalized coping plans, and creating new, positive associations with the autumn season, you can reclaim your sense of control and well-being.
Remember to practice self-compassion, and seek support from a counselor who specializes in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD.) Engage in activities that bring you joy. Healing is a journey. Every step you take towards managing your triggers and embracing the present moment is a step towards a brighter, more empowered future.
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