Finding love after narcissistic abuse is scary and exciting at the same time. The deep scars left from emotional, mental, and sometimes physical abuse are hard to overcome. Many survivors struggle with being able to trust or love again. Although it is challenging, you can find love after narcissistic abuse. In this blog post, you will discover how to open your heart to love once again.
Love Yourself First
As corny as it sounds it’s important to start with loving yourself first. Of course, I know you clicked on this article for you to figure out how to get that loving feeling back into your life. Finding love after narcissistic abuse starts with you.
After experiencing multiple forms of manipulation from narcissists it is understandable why some people may want to banish the idea of having love in their life ever again. The frequent invalidations and chaos of a narcissistic abusive relationship make it difficult for you to trust anyone else and yourself.
Finding love after a narcissistic relationship starts with you. Begin by appreciating yourself. The self-compassion and self-care parts of your healing journey must be consistent. This allows you to open up new chapters in your life. Not only will the love chapter of your life be unlocked but more potential as well.
Loving yourself first allows you to navigate your personal and professional life differently. You will be able to explore your emotions and experiences without judgment. Being able to know what your values are will support you in moving forward. When your boundaries are challenged you will know how to respond. The self-love you develop as you continue to heal from narcissistic abuse will help you to protect yourself. Remember caring for yourself is not selfish, it is self-love, self-compassion, self-care, and survival.
Pay Attention to Red Flags
You do not have to become the world’s best private eye detective. You do need to pay attention to the red flags. Be aware narcissism comes in many forms. Narcissism is on a spectrum. Rather than trying to pinpoint if a person is a narcissist or not be able to identify any health or unhealthy traits.
If you notice entitlement, the person making demands of others, shaming, speaking negatively about others, guilt-tripping, and lying these are major areas of concern. Big, small, and lies by omission (leaving information out) all count. Do not dismiss the warning signs of unhealthy character traits.
Beware of any controlling behaviors. Initially, it might seem like if the person is very protective of you or concerned about you. If you notice the person is not able to understand your or other people’s feelings this means the person has empathy issues. Their lack of empathy is not your problem. You do not have to fix it and you do not have to tolerate it.
Relationship Red Flags
- Gaslighting -denying reality, making you doubt your reality.
- Abuse -emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, mental, digital, and verbal.
- Anger/Rage
- Alcoholism/Substance Abuse
- Love bombing- giving exceedingly, doing the most, presenting in a too-good-to-be-true manner.
- Codependency
- Manipulation
- Low self-esteem
- Excessive jealously
- Know Your Deal Breakers
As much as you want to know about the new person it is important to know even more about yourself. Being able to identify your deal breakers will help you navigate the next chapters of your life. There are several ways to know your deal breakers.
Listen to your body. When your internal gut feelings are telling you something is off, a lot of times it is. The upset stomach, doubtful feeling you cannot ignore is your internal alarm letting you know there is a potential threat.
Know your values. Your values are a huge part of your decision-making process. When you find yourself living in a way that does not honor your values there is a problem. You may value peace, communication, stability, and quality relationships. When the connection does not have any of these elements there is a problem.
Find a values checklist along with additional support activities to help you heal from narcissistic abuse in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Bundle.
Istant Digital Downloads
Imagine a future where the weight of overwhelm, exhaustion, and feeling powerless is lifted from your shoulders. Picture yourself living in a newfound clarity, cutting through the fog of confusion that once clouded your heart. Engaging in these activities you will find the strength to break free from the bonds of narcissistic trauma and step into a life filled with peace and joy.
GET THE DOWNLOADSHave Clear Communication
It’s clear communication or none at all. Notice the communication between you and the other person. Healthy communication is healthy communication. When the person uses lots of technicalities to dismiss their behavior this is not healthy. If the person excuses their actions frequently this is another warning sign. If you frequently have to clarify your point of view to the person, this is a major warning sign. Having to explain basic human decency and respect to the person is another warning sign the person is not a healthy match for you.
Of course, you can have a misunderstanding here and there. Too many misunderstandings is an issue. When find yourself compromising your values and boundaries there is a problem. Miscommunication can happen from time to time as well. Frequently having miscommunication problems is an issue.
Narcissistic Abuse Survival Guide
Right now, your life may feel like it’s spiraling. The confusion, the pain—it’s all too real. Amidst the chaos, there’s a step you can take towards clarity and relief. Our FREE Survival Guide is designed just for you—to help you find solid ground and begin the journey towards healing.
This isn’t just another guide; it’s a lifeline. It’s about taking empowering actions and starting to heal on your terms. You don’t have to struggle through this alone. Let’s take this vital first step together. Click [here] to grab your free copy now and start your journey to stability and clarity.
Redefine Love for Yourself
It is fair to say after narcissistic abuse you may not even know what love looks or feels like anymore. This is why you need to redefine love for yourself. Being able to recognize what love is and is not will give you clarity as you move forward.
Redefine what love looks and feels like for yourself. Do not romanticize the difficult times you experienced in the past with healthy love. What I mean is do not see the highs and lows and ups and downs of a relationship as what healthy love is supposed to look like to stay in a relationship that is not healthy for you.
Respect, trust, safety, and compassion are some of the key elements for having a healthy relationship. Redefining what love looks and feels like after a narcissistic abusive relationship is important.
Practice Self-Compassion
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may find that you’re very hard on yourself. You may blame yourself for not seeing the signs earlier, or for not leaving the relationship sooner. However, it’s important to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a good friend. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can and that it’s okay to make mistakes.
Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is essential. Make sure that you’re taking care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Get enough sleep. Make healthy meal choices. Exercise regularly. Participate in activities that increase your peace. You might bubble baths and mimosas or reading a book in your favorite pajamas. Do things that bring you joy.
Boost Your Confidence
After narcissistic abuse, many survivors struggle with low confidence and self-esteem. The trauma, confusion, manipulation, and abuse all make it difficult for survivors to climb their way out of narcissistic abuse. Rebuilding your confidence from the inside is a powerful way to increase your likelihood of finding love after narcissistic abuse.
When your confidence is self-generated you do not need a relationship to validate you. Your happiness is in your hands, not someone else’s. Keep your power and move forward. The love you desire from others starts inside of you.
Joy Waiting on the Other Side Healing from Narcissistic Abuse Book
Start your healing process from the pain caused by the person your heart loves the most. Find the clarity you need to stop heartache and confusion. Release yourself from the hurt caused by grief and betrayal. This book helps you explore your unique healing journey out of narcissistic abuse. It’s all the most talked about parts of the healing process for you to start healing now.
FIND JOYDon’t Ignore Your Needs
You may have given all of your love, attention, affection, and compassion to the narcissist. A major part of finding love after narcissistic abuse means you do not lose yourself. Discover who you are. Know what you want and what you are about. Considering and honoring your needs is a healthy way to welcome new love into your life. Approaching a relationship with a whole and complete heart gives you authority in your life, instead of being at the mercy of others. Their validation is nice but not required.
Take Your Time
Do not rush the process. It is important to know healing from narcissistic abuse takes time. Finding love after narcissistic abuse does take time. Take all the time you need to care for yourself. As you process your emotions and experiences help you to become more grounded. The additional changes you hope for in your life can begin to fall into place. When you focus on your own needs you are not being selfish.
Before jumping into another relationship work through your experience. Taking your time to heal will help you not create unhealthy attachments. It is important to heal before going all in on another relationship.
Maintain Healthy Boundaries
When you establish healthy boundaries, it allows you to open yourself up to healthy love after narcissistic abuse. Learning from past experiences and not repeating toxic patterns supports your progress. You set healthy boundaries by knowing yourself. Respecting your personal rules for living your life. Do not betray yourself.
Healthy boundaries give you healthy control in your life. You are more likely to prevent abuse and manipulation by removing yourself from toxic situations. Clear boundaries also teach the person of interest about your character. You can set firm boundaries by communicating well. Create and commit to respecting your personal rules for yourself. Do not compromise yourself or your values for anyone.
Go to Counseling
Yes, the counselor said to go to counseling. Starting counseling is a great way to set yourself up for some major success in the love department of your life. Going to counseling will help you process your emotions and experiences. You can also expect to learn more coping skills and strategies to help you heal. Being able to address any unresolved issues or past traumas before starting a romantic relationship is important.
To receive the most benefit, choose a counselor you feel comfortable talking to about your life. It also helps to choose a counselor who is familiar with narcissistic abuse and narcissism. Consider seeking the help of a therapist or support group to work through any residual trauma and develop healthy relationship habits. Remember, you deserve to be in a loving, respectful relationship.
Receive clarity, confidence, and closure with our help
Let’s embark on a transformative journey together. Our process is designed to help you heal. We will guide you to safety, help you rebuild, and teach you how to invite joy into your life.
We provide online counseling in Texas only.