If you’re reading this, then it means that you are probably in one of the most difficult times in your life. Your feelings of being confused, anxious, frustrated, unsure, and questioning yourself and your reality must stop now. Not having clarity, feeling like you are the problem, and isolating yourself, are not the answer. The pain caused by narcissistic abuse is like no other. The betrayal trauma, intense grief, and depths of depression leave you more lost and confused than ever before.
When you are connected to a narcissist you will have a wide range of emotions from being the happiest person in the world to anger, betrayal, and the deepest sadness and longing like you have never felt before. It’s understandable to feel the pain of being in a relationship with a narcissist. It is possible to heal from narcissistic abuse.
I want you to know I feel your pain and I see you. As a licensed counselor with personal and professional experience with narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery, I get it. The manipulation is out of this world. Although this time it’s painfully confusing there is joy waiting on the other side of narcissistic abuse. You are not alone in your suffering. Break free from suffering and become a survivor. This post will teach you to get over the pain caused by a narcissist.
No matter what, dealing with a narcissist is very confusing, painful, and challenging all at the same time. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, professional relationship family member any type of narcissistic behavior can leave you feeling hurt confused, and emotionally drained.
Practice Validating Yourself
Getting over the pain of narcissistic abuse means validating yourself. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse experience invalidations manipulations and gaslighting regularly. After extended periods of being invalidated and treated poorly by the narcissist, you begin to not trust yourself or anything else.
It is hard to have clarity in a narcissistic abusive relationship because of the constant emotional and mental mind games. Additional forms of abuse like financial spiritual and digital abuse make it even more difficult. This is why survivors struggle to make decisions and get out of toxic environments. It is natural for you to question yourself and your reality after being in a narcissistic abusive relationship.
Gaslighting is when you begin to question yourself and your reality based on the influence of another. You may have heard comments from the narcissist such as “I didn’t say that” “You are overreacting” and “That never happened.” These types of statements make the person receiving these types of messages question themselves and their reality. You may have found the need to write things down, record conversations and look for evidence frequently to prove your point. These are also warning signs of a toxic relationship.
Practice validating yourself by exploring what are your truths. Do this by exploring your experiences and your emotions. Journaling is a helpful way to begin to process. Validating yourself means acknowledging your emotions and experiences as true to you. It means coming to terms with the realities of your life and your experiences. A supportive way to work through your pain as you validate yourself is to explore your feelings and experiences without judgment.
Create a Safety for Yourself
Your safety must be at the top of your list. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse have intense feelings of not feeling safe. They become hyper-vigilant. You may find yourself frequently feeling jumpy, fearful, and scared. These types of behaviors happen because of the emotional and mental hijacking that has happened from being in a narcissistic abusive relationship. It is common for survivors of narcissistic abuse to display symptoms of PTSD and C-PTSD.
You can create safety for yourself in many ways. It is helpful to understand the narcissistic cycle of abuse. Knowing the process will help you to better predict the possible behaviors of the narcissist. You are not able to exactly predict the narcissist’s next move, but you will be able to know more about what to expect.
Educate yourself on different types of narcissistic manipulation tactics. This will help you to spot destructive behaviors a lot quicker. Knowing this type of information will help you to protect yourself better.
Have an exit strategy to help you create some distance between you and the narcissist. Know where you will go if you need to leave quickly. Have a few calming statements to defuse an intense situation. If you can go, no contact from the narcissist great. If you are not able to go no contact find helpful people to support, you in your experience. Connecting with helpful people like counselors is important. In counseling, you will be able to learn de-escalation skills, communication techniques, self-soothing strategies, and more to help you.
Acknowledge the Abuse
Like many other survivors, you may struggle with the idea or thought of considering yourself abused. Acknowledging the abuse is another way to validate yourself. The pain caused by a narcissist takes a ton of effort. It is hard for people to consider the person they loved or cared deeply for to be the same person that abused them. When you have been gaslighted and manipulated it is a type of abuse.
Narcissists know what they are doing. They are skilled in behaving in self-serving ways. Their me first attitude puts their needs above you and anyone else. So, even if it means hurting you, they are likely to do it. This is one of the many painful parts of being with a narcissist.
Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is essential for healing. Make sure you’re making healthy meal choices, receiving quality sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. Taking care of yourself will help you to better process your emotions. Getting past the pain caused by the narcissist means consistently practicing self-care. It allows you the opportunity to take on each day with more clarity. Prioritizing your self-care will help you to make more meaningful changes in your life.
Time and time again I share with survivors of narcissistic abuse the importance of consistently practicing self-care. This is more than a buzzword but a necessity for healing from the pain caused by a narcissist. Your self-care practice is unique to you. You might like coloring and Lofi music or playing your Nintendo Switch, while curled up in bed with a cup of cold brew coffee (one of my favorites). Do what works for you. Make sure your self-care activities help you maintain your peace, increasing your comfort and safety.
Joy Waiting on the Other Side Healing from Narcissistic Abuse Book
Start your healing process from the pain caused by the person your heart loves the most. Find the clarity you need to stop heartache and confusion. Release yourself from the hurt caused by grief and betrayal. This book helps you explore your unique healing journey out of narcissistic abuse. It’s all the most talked about parts of the healing process for you to start healing now.
FIND JOYReach Out for Help
Connecting to your support system is super important. A healthy support system is a great defense. You can include friends and family. Having people who remind you of who you truly are, and your worth are important. Connect with people you feel will support you. You don’t have to share your entire experience with them for them to help. Share what you feel comfortable sharing. Share openly with your professional counselor. Be careful about adding people who are connected with the narcissist into your support system as they may not be truly in your best interest.
If you have lost contact with your support system, make sure to reconnect. Sometimes this happens when people have been with a narcissist for a very long time. The isolation and withdrawal from supporters to protect the narcissist put you in a darker space. Loneliness and separation caused by the breakdown in yourself, and your relationships help the narcissist continue to fight the battle against you. When you are too weak to fight, they win. That is where they want you to be, so they can take advantage of you.
Go to Counseling
Starting counseling is one of the most significant steps you can take to heal from the pain caused by a narcissist. In counseling, you can expect to work through the different emotions and experiences you have had with a trained professional. You may feel nervous about getting started but do it anyway.
A counselor who understands narcissism, and narcissistic abuse recovery is important. The counselor who gets it will be able to help you work through the many stages of grief, betrayal trauma, rebuilding your confidence, and breaking the trauma bond. Of course, you will be able to discuss additional areas of concern unique to your personal experiences.
Counseling is a safe space to do the inside work for healing from the pain caused by the narcissist without judgment. In counseling, you will be able to learn coping skills and strategies to process your pain. You can also expect to learn new communication techniques for healthy communication. It is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Focus on Your Gains
As you are working to get over the pain caused by a narcissist you think a lot about what you lose. Instead of only focusing on what you have lost, focus on what you gain. Dwelling on the negativity will not help you heal. Yes, you can feel your feelings. You will think about the hurt, loss, grief, and sadness that has come from this time in your life. You do not have to stay in it.
To help you push past the pain focus on the positive aspects of your life. Think about the opportunities you are grateful for in your life. Consider the new experiences you will be able to have as you continue to heal. When you find yourself struggling with these areas make a list of all the things the narcissist took from you, then flip it and make a list of all the new opportunities coming your way after leaving the narcissist in the dust.
I have a ton of activities like this and more in my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Bundle to help you process the pain caused by the narcissist.
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Imagine a future where the weight of overwhelm, exhaustion, and feeling powerless is lifted from your shoulders. Picture yourself living in a newfound clarity, cutting through the fog of confusion that once clouded your heart. Engaging in these activities you will find the strength to break free from the bonds of narcissistic trauma and step into a life filled with peace and joy.
GET THE DOWNLOADSSet Firm Boundaries
Part of healing from the pain caused by the narcissist is reestablishing firm boundaries. You must set and maintain healthy boundaries. The boundaries help to protect yourself and help you heal. Narcissists naturally overstep boundaries, so it is important to make sure and maintain them for yourself. Set firm boundaries by limiting contact (low contact) and going no contact.
You are practicing healthy boundaries when you are protecting and monitoring your emotional, mental, financial, digital, and physical availability.
Maintaining healthy boundaries support your healing process. You do not have to be available for continued manipulation, hurt, and disrespect by the narcissist. Be prepared, the narcissist is not going to like you taking your power back. It is not about them.
Narcissists will invade every part of your life. Your personal space, time, and energy are not the concern. They do not care about how they affect your life. For the narcissist, it is all about them. Even when they act as if they are in your best interests, it is still about them. Narcissists do not like or respect boundaries. They see boundaries as barriers and obstacles to weasel their way around or through. You must set firm boundaries and communicate them clearly. Do not back down. When the narcissist tries to guilt-trip, shame, and intimidate you do not give in to the narcissist.
Let Go
Just reading that simple statement might make your heart shutter inside your chest. I know it sucks, and still, it is necessary. As painful as it is there is a lot of freedom that comes from letting go. Getting over the pain of a narcissist takes time and effort. Essentially letting go of any hope or expectation that the narcissist will change or apologize will free you to move forward. It is important to acknowledge the relationship is not healthy. Being able to see the narcissist in their true form, not the rose-colored, starry-eyed hope floats perspective will save you so much heartache.
Letting go means freeing yourself up for new possibilities. When you let go of the relationship with the narcissist you can freely reestablish the relationship with yourself. You become free to focus on building a new life for yourself. It will not be easy, but with time and effort, you can regain control of your life and find happiness again. Continue to be patient with yourself as you heal. Be kind to yourself as you move forward.
I want you to know you are capable, and brave, to take on this powerful journey. You deserve to be happy, loved, respected, and filled with peace. Do not give up on yourself.
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