Cutting the trauma bond off is no joke, and not for the faint of heart. The trauma bond is the unhealthy attachment formed between the person being abused and the abuser. In narcissistic abusive relationships, the narcissist is the abuser. Many survivors struggle with acknowledging they have been abused.
The trauma bond is characterized by the victim feeling dependent and having an intense need to stay with the abuser. There are different types of attachments and dependencies formed as the relationship progresses. Dependence on the trauma bond is demonstrated by the emotional, mental, physical, financial, spiritual, and social needs of the narcissist’s. You can cut a trauma bond off with help. Find out how to break free from suffering and become a survivor with this post.
Recognize You Are Trauma Bonded
First, you must recognize you are in an abusive relationship. There are 7 stages to the trauma bond. The trauma bond starts with the love bombing and continues into a full-blown addiction. When you find yourself justifying the unhealthy behaviors and experiences with the abuser even when you know it is not healthy is an indicator you are trauma bonded. Making unnecessary reasons to stay connected to the narcissist such as sharing pictures of a previously shared pet, and not changing passwords to linked services.
Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle with cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance happens when you experience an issue that is not in agreement with your beliefs which creates tension and encourages you to try and make sense of it even though it does not.
An example of cognitive dissonance is you are allergic to cheesecake, every time you eat it you break out in a horrible rash, and despite knowing you will have an allergic reaction to the cheesecake you eat it anyway. You must accept that your behaviors contradict your beliefs about your health and being.
Go to Counseling
Counseling is a transformative experience to help you work through the trauma bond, cognitive dissonance, processing betrayal trauma, grief, and the narcissistic cycle of abuse. Choose a counselor you feel comfortable speaking with to help you. It is important to choose a counselor who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery. You can expect to spend a significant amount of time working on breaking the trauma bond.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSSeek Support to Cut the Trauma Bond Off
In addition to going to counseling connect to your support system. Having trusted family and friends, professionals, church and volunteer groups can help you. Be very careful connecting with anyone connected to the abuser, they may still have loyalty to the narcissist.
Frequently survivors begin to isolate and feel lonely due to the deep levels of abuse, grief, and trauma. It is natural for survivors to experience intense loneliness. Shame and guilt keep them away from their support system. When you are isolated the narcissist has a better chance to keep manipulating you. No outside input leaves you in a powerless situation.
Remember, you do not have to talk with everyone about everything going on in your life. Be selective about what you share and who you share it with.
To Cut the Trauma Bond Off Go No Contact
Going no contact means going no contact. Examples of no contact are no texting, emailing, video chats, social media, and sending messages through other people. No contact means not only communication but creating physical, mental, and emotional distance between you and the abuser.
By going no contact you can cut off the trauma bond. You will be able to work through the different stages of grief and healing. When you continue to engage with the narcissist it prevents you from fully processing your experiences, thoughts, and emotions. Staying in contact with the abuse retraumatizes and victimizes you.
If you are unable to go to no contact go to low contact. Choose one method of communication, and only communicate for necessary reasons. Limit your response and be direct in your communication. Do not share all of your personal details or emotions about experiences. The narcissist is can use that information against you to further manipulate you.
Create Emotional and Mental Distance
Creating an emotional and mental distance will also support you in processing your experiences. The emotional and mental distance allows you time to reflect. The distance also allows you to access the quality of the relationship. The distance and no contact provide room for you to recognize unhealthy patterns, and learn new behaviors. Having the distance will also help you to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings.
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FIND JOYPractice Acceptance
Acceptance is one of the stages of grief. When you practice acceptance it means you are at a point in life where you acknowledge and accept the realities of your life. Accepting is acknowledging the abuser is an abuser. The narcissist is a narcissist. A toxic person is a toxic person. Acceptance means coming to terms with the fact that the relationship between you and the narcissist is not a healthy one. It is not safe for you to continue to be in and a part of it for your well-being.
I have shared in many of my books and sessions with clients acceptance does not mean you like or agree with what has or is happening. It means you acknowledge the experience or person for what it is. Coming to a place of acceptance will help you cut the trauma bond off. It takes practice to come to a place in your heart and mind where you will no longer be trapped in the false narrative you hoped for with the abuser.
Validate Yourself
Do not believe the abuser’s negative comments about you. The narcissist is not going to behave in a way that is in your best interest. They will do and say whatever it takes to keep you stuck. Many survivors experience high levels of narcissistic abusive manipulation. The abuse can be presented in ways such as gaslighting, blame-shifting, criticizing, invalidating you, and a lot of other manipulation tactics. All of the behaviors keep you confused and stuck.
When you are constantly abused you become untrusting of yourself and others. You are less likely to trust yourself and your judgments. Self-doubt and low confidence are additional signs of abuse. Validating yourself will help you increase your confidence. Look for your truth. Own your truth, and validate yourself. Do not let self-doubt, insecurity, fear, and especially the abuser control you.
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