I don’t have to tell you how hard it is to let go of a narcissist. Breaking free from the person you loved the most is one of the hardest choices to make. The trauma bond is the mental and heart connection that creates an intense attachment between the person being abused and the abuser (narcissist.) There are 7 stages to the trauma bond. Many times elements of the trauma bond are experienced during the narcissistic cycle of abuse. The trauma bond lives where your mind knows the relationship is toxic but your heart still has hope for the relationship.
If you are doing any of these things you are trauma bonded
Intense feelings of confusion and uncertainty
In the cycle of narcissistic abuse, the trauma bond is strengthened. It is common to feel unclear about everything. You might not know what to do, and who to trust. The dreaded question of should I stay or should I go comes up often. The constant manipulation makes you feel unsure. Confusion and uncertainty happen a lot in a narcissistic abusive relationship. The lack of stability makes it difficult to relax. You want to get back to the beginning of the relationship, where everything felt good. Of course, every day is not a bad day and the good days are just enough to keep giving you hope. Your heart and mind are confused frequently. It is hard to make supportive decisions when you are constantly confused.
Frequent irritability
Some victims of narcissistic abuse cry, and feel angry, anxious, and depressed throughout the relationship. The feeling of walking on eggshells but not wanting to let go of the relationship is another trauma bond indicator. This makes it difficult to break free from someone you know is slowly draining you.
Denial
Not wanting to acknowledge the unhealthy traits of the person. This keeps you stuck in a toxic cycle of narcissistic abuse and trauma. By not recognizing the true traits of the narcissist you begin to gaslight yourself. As you continue to deny reality you fall deeper into the trauma bond.
Feeling trapped and isolated
There are lots of feelings of shame and guilt that are connected with being with a narcissist. Not wanting family and friends to judge you or the person you may isolate. The isolation leaves you feeling trapped and alone.
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Feeling like you are addicted to the person
The trauma bond mimics addiction. During the trauma bond, you don’t feel happy with the narcissist but you don’t feel happy without them. The anxiousness at the thought of not being with the person is highly upsetting. Examples of this are wanting to be on the phone all the time, constantly video chatting, and being upset if you are not with the person or know what they are doing at every moment.
Difficulties making decisions
When you are trauma bonded you will find yourself struggling to make decisions. Being with a narcissist is beyond confusing. After experiencing so many twists and turns it is easy to be confused. The constant manipulation by the narcissist increases your doubt. This makes it hard for you to trust any and everything.
Loss of confidence
After being with a narcissist and experiencing verbal and emotional abuse your confidence begins to decrease. The unkind comments begin to make you doubt yourself. The mental manipulation negatively impacts your self-esteem.
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