I do not have to tell you how hard it is to move forward after narcissistic abuse. It is a difficult and sometimes overwhelming journey. Spoiler alert you will not quickly just get over it. You can expect to spend a lot of time reflecting and trying to understand everything. It’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being and your mental health. Below are a few tips to help you move forward after narcissistic abuse in a supportive way.
Find Your Support System
Connect with trusted family and friends. Share what you feel comfortable sharing. You do not have to share all the details of your experiences. Although your support system is there for you it does not mean you owe them all of your information. Be very careful about connecting with mutual friends who are still connected to the narcissist. They may not be in your best interest. If you do not have a support system create one. Look for additional healthy support groups.
Go to Counseling
Although talking with your family and friends is great support you can bring in extra support. Connect with a professional counselor who specializes in narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery. This will help you receive the most benefit from the experience. It is very important to choose a counselor you feel comfortable talking to about your experiences. In your first session, the counseling session might feel more like an interview. Frequently in the beginning sessions, you are sharing your history of the relationship and possible history.
Explore The Facts Of The Relationship
Part of moving forward after a narcissistic abusive relationship means being honest about the quality of the relationship. Take some time and examine the relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. Explore the traits of the narcissist or toxic person. Many times this is a painful experience because it requires you to acknowledge the harsh realities. Spending time reflecting on what happened, and understanding more about yourself will give you more clarity. You can then take the reflections and apply healthy choices to your life moving forward.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSSet Boundaries
Having boundaries is an important way to support yourself as you move forward after narcissistic abuse. It is helpful to set firm boundaries with people around you and yourself. If you are not able to go no contact with the narcissist. Set firm boundaries with the narcissist. Establishing boundaries helps you regain healthy control of your life. Examples of boundaries are saying no to requests that don’t align with your values, limiting contact, and removing unsupportive, negative surrounding yourself with people who respect and support you.
Practice Self-Care
Being with a narcissist is beyond overwhelming and so practicing self-care is super important in moving forward after narcissistic abuse. Choose self-care methods that work for you. It might be bubble baths and soft music in the background or it might mean vegging out on the couch and not changing out of your pajamas all day.
Spend time doing things that are supportive of your healing journey. You might go for a bike ride, watch your favorite comfort shows, journal or redecorate your living space. All of this will help you to process your feelings and create a healthy foundation for healing.
Another part of self-care that isn’t always mentioned but super important is being able to recognize negative thoughts and beliefs. When you find yourself ruminating over what happened, why it happened, and what to do next, use supportive messages to reframe positively for yourself.
Part of self-care is also challenging unsupportive thoughts and behaviors with the truth, your truth. Because so many survivors of narcissistic abuse are invalidated an important part of self-care is validating yourself consistently.
Simple Truths to Remember:
- You did not cause this
- You did not create it
- You are worthy of love
- You are deserving of respect.
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FIND JOYFocus On Your Personal Growth
as you move forward after narcissistic abuse you can expect to experience many highs and lows. It is natural to experience feelings of betrayal trauma, shame or guilt along with additional parts of the grief process. This is an opportunity for you to experience exponential growth. After being held down by the narcissist this is your chance to experience healing, joy, and freedom.
Practice Being Present
I teach many clients about the importance of mindfulness. Being laser-focused on exactly where you are at this exact moment helps you to stay grounded. When you ruminate it creates more frustration and confusion. Continue to look for ways to take even better care of yourself. Some survivors find themselves focusing so much on the past that they are not able to be in the moment. This robs you of an opportunity to take full hold of the potential and the possibilities of your life at this time.
No matter how hard it is, you can move forward after narcissistic abuse. Remember healing from narcissistic abuse is a process, and it’s okay to take everything one moment at a time. With patience, self-compassion, kindness, and self-care, you can create a healthier and more positive future for yourself.
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