Dealing with a narcissist is draining on so many levels. Their manipulative tactics and constant need for validation leave you feeling powerless and overwhelmed. You hold the power to reclaim your life. Your self-worth and value are not connected to the narcissist. If you are not careful being with a narcissist for any amount of time will be draining. Their manipulations are exhausting. Take back your peace and reclaim your joy. In this blog post, we will explore ways to put the narcissist in their place.
Become Educated
To start putting the narcissist in their place get educated. Become familiar with the many types of narcissistic manipulation tactics. This will help you to stay grounded. They use these types of tricks to intimidate, manipulate, control, and keep you stuck.
It is important to recognize narcissists’ words and behaviors are motivated by their insecurities and the desire to control others. They also will do whatever it takes to avoid responsibility and shame. By becoming aware of different manipulation, you can begin to detach yourself emotionally and see through their façade.
Also, become aware of the narcissistic cycle of abuse. This is the wild ride people who are trapped in the on-again off-again relationships of narcissist deal with frequently.
Don’t forget about the trauma bond. It is another reason why survivors and victims struggle to heal. Some people struggle to maintain no contact, low contact or set firm boundaries because of the traumatic bonding connection.
I know all this information is a lot to remember. All of these different points are some of the many reasons you may be struggling to heal from the difficulties you have experienced with a narcissist.
Cultivate Self-Awareness and Self-Worth
To keep their position of power narcissists will diminish your self-esteem and give up your power. Over time you begin to doubt yourself. Your confidence decreases. Before you know it, you don’t know who you are, what you like, or what is real anymore. All of this makes it hard for you to heal.
When you focus intensely on the narcissist without even trying you begin to lose sight of yourself. Your hopes, dreams, goals, and values become less important. Before you know it, you will look up and not recognize yourself in the mirror.
There is still hope for you. Counter the narcissist’s toxic behaviors by cultivating self-awareness and nurturing a strong sense of self-worth. Focus on your strengths, values, and achievements. Surround yourself with supportive and positive influences that reinforce your belief in yourself. Remember, you are deserving of love, respect, and happiness. Your value is not based on narcissists. You have tremendous value because you exist.
Prioritizing yourself is not selfish. Becoming more self-compassion is an act of self-love. Focusing on your best interests allows you to begin to process your pain and possibilities.
Set Clear Boundaries
Establishing firm and clear boundaries is essential for healthy living. Boundaries are a must when dealing with narcissists. It is not enough to have firm boundaries you must maintain them. This requires consistent discipline from you. Any lapse of boundaries provides an opportunity for narcissist to continue their manipulative behaviors. None of this benefits you. Narcissists are not concerned about your best interests.
Clearly express your limits and expectations. Make it known that you will not tolerate disrespect or manipulation. Be assertive and stand firm when (not if) your boundaries are pushed by the narcissist. Commit to enforcing whatever consequences you set in place when boundaries are compromised. Remember, you have the right to protect your emotional well-being, and it is not selfish to prioritize your own needs.
When you do talk with the narcissist go D.E.E.P. and use a bit of B.I.F.F. Both of these techniques can help you stay out of the weedy areas of narcissistic manipulative conversations.
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Go to Counseling
Bring in professional reinforcements. In addition to a healthy support system have a professional supporter. Going to counseling is a wonderful way to continue your healing from narcissistic abuse. Choose a counselor who you feel will be a good fit for you.
In some cases, dealing with a narcissist is an isolating experience. You may not want to talk to family or friends about what is going on with so many details. You might not be sure if you are going to leave. There may be uncertainty about what is real and fear of not wanting to make the narcissist look like a bad person, so you keep it to yourself. There are many reasons dealing with a narcissist becomes overwhelming.
A professional counselor helps you navigate the complexities of dealing with a narcissist and guides how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries effectively.
It is helpful to consider a counselor who specializes in narcissistic abuse, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and or someone who understands trauma. You can expect to discuss various topics such as maintaining boundaries, reestablishing boundaries, grief, betrayal trauma, PTSD, C-PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety. There may be many other topics that are also important for you to discuss with the counselor.
Practice Emotional Detachment
Narcissists feed off emotional reactions, so it’s essential to practice emotional detachment. Refrain from engaging in their mind games and resist the urge to retaliate. None of this means you don’t care about the narcissist. Breaking the emotional attachment frees you to start loving yourself more intentionally. You can want the best for the narcissist without having to be manipulated by them.
Focus on remaining calm and composed. Choose your battles wisely, and only invest your emotional energy in situations that truly matter. By maintaining emotional distance, you take away their power and gain control over your own emotions.
Being able to maintain your emotional control puts you in a healthy position of power. Instead of being manipulated into an emotional avalanche triggered by the narcissist you demonstrate healthy control. The narcissist will try to provoke and agitate you. You do not have to give in to their behaviors.
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So much of dealing with narcissists is navigating manipulations and invalidations. Honor your values and remember your truth. You do not have to persuade the narcissist. It is not your responsibility to convince them to see your point of view. Know what is real and what is supportive for you and do what’s best for yourself.
Be Prepared
Although you may never be fully prepared for the narcissist’s next move be sure of the narcissist behaving in a manner that is going to support their best interest and not yours. You can expect the narcissist to get agitated with not being able to manipulate you as they once did in the past. They may use statements like “You never loved me, and you don’t care.” The narcissist can say whatever they want to try and pull you out of character. You do not have to play their games.
Prioritize Self-Care
Last but certainly not least, prioritize self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. Do what you can to create structure and stability in your life. Many narcissists are chaotic. The ups and downs of emotions and the highs and lows of the tempo of the relationship make it difficult for you to stay grounded. All of these reasons are also why it is hard to think clearly.
When you are continuously confused, lost, and unsure it is very hard for you to heal and make meaningful progress.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be gentle and kind to yourself. As you continue to heal from the challenges of the narcissist it is helpful to practice not judging yourself but loving yourself consistently. Surround yourself with positive influences, engage in hobbies, practice mindfulness, and prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Investing in self-care encourages you to rebuild yourself.
Dealing with a narcissist is undoubtedly a challenging and emotionally draining journey. By following the multiple options listed above you can begin to put the narcissist in their place and establish firm boundaries. These boundaries create a healthy foundation for continued healing.
Remember, you have the power to reclaim your life. Intentionally create a life filled with peace, joy, authenticity, and true happiness. Stay consistent. Take breaks but don’t quit. You are capable of more than you know.
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