If you have spent any amount of time with a narcissist you know how difficult it is. Being with a narcissist is difficult and draining. If you are not careful narcissists will leave you powerless, confused, and overwhelmed. Fortunately, there are ways to rise above narcissistic abuse and regain control of your life.
Recognize You Are Not the Problem
You are NOT the cause of the narcissistic abuse. It is not your fault the narcissist had a difficult childhood, past bad relationships, or reasons the narcissist uses to justify their actions. The abuse is not your fault. Taking appropriate steps for you to heal from narcissist abuse is your responsibility. Problems in the relationship with the narcissist are not about either of you being perfect people.
The issue is the intentions of the narcissist are selfish. The choices the narcissist makes and has made are disrespectful. You are not the problem. *Arguing with a narcissist is pointless. If you are not careful the narcissist will manipulate you into taking full responsibility for the problems. The narcissist will blame, guilt, and shame you for problems in the relationship. This keeps you trapped.
Make a Plan
Develop a plan for getting away from the abuse. Begin to take control of your life. It is helpful to make a list of goals. Consider adding goals such as creating healthy boundaries, going to counseling, finding supportive people, and identifying needs and wants. Explore your values. Start making steps to live in a way that supports you, by honoring your goals and values.
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FIND JOYBe Mindful of Your Thoughts and Feelings
For however long you have been with the narcissist your emotions have been jumbled around through the highs and lows. The constant chaotic nature of narcissistic relationships makes it hard for you to find stability. This is why you struggle to make decisions. You are also more likely to have decreased confidence and lose your identity.
Pay attention to how narcissistic abuse affects your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge the emotions you are feeling for yourself. It is not helpful to share your emotions with the narcissist. I know this is hard to read but it is true. When you share such vulnerable parts of yourself with the narcissist it will and can be used against you. Give yourself time to process. Working through your thoughts and emotions about what you are experiencing will help to ground you. Part of taking care of your mental health is exploring your emotional health. Create a space for security in your life.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSBuild a Support System
It’s important to have a network of people you can rely on for support. You need emotional and practical support. Connect with friends, family members, and professionals who can help you through this difficult time. You do not have to share every detail with everyone. It is helpful to find a set group of people you feel comfortable being open with for help.
Be careful connecting with people connected to the narcissist. The narcissist’s family, friends, parents, or siblings may be great supporters but still tread lightly. They are still part of the narcissist support system. This means the people may not be true allies for you.
Another helpful person in your support system is a counselor. When choosing a counselor, work with a counselor who specializes in narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery. Make sure you feel comfortable with the counselor you choose to work with in your healing journey.
Practice Self-Care
A huge part of rising above narcissistic abuse is making sure you practice self-care. Take care of your physical and mental health. Of course, there are additional areas to consider such as financial, occupational, and spiritual care. Make time for activities that bring you joy. As difficult as this time is in your life commit to getting plenty of rest. You will and do need it.
Overcoming narcissistic abuse is a challenging process, but it is possible with the right tools and support. Take it one step at a time and remember that you are brave enough to overcome this.
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