In a narcissistic abusive relationship, there are multiple layers of abuse. The harm goes far beyond the immediate thought of physical abuse people tend to think of when they hear the word. Many times narcissist abuse is hard to identify. For various reasons, if you are unfamiliar with narcissism, you may not notice it or the abuse at first glance.
The thought of someone you love abusing you is hard to process. Many survivors struggle with accepting the person they know has abused them. The familiarity with the person leads to deeper levels of betrayal. Many times survivors will feel additional feelings of hurt, shame, and grief. There are many emotions and experiences a survivor of narcissistic abuse will experience in their time with and after the narcissist is no longer in their life.
The different types of narcissistic abuse
Emotional Abuse by a Narcissist
Being with a narcissist impacts your emotions greatly. Due to the volatile nature of narcissistic relationships, it is hard to regulate your emotions. You may find yourself struggling with some or all of the examples below.
Examples:
- Not being able to identify your emotions.
- Feeling anxious all the time
- Not feeling loved and cared for
- The nagging feeling something is wrong
- Frequent uneasiness
- Panic
- Sadness
- Overwhelmed
- Feeling inadequate
- Loss of confidence and self-worth
- Scared
- Hopelessness and helplessness
Mental Abuse and Narcissist
Your mental health is greatly impacted when you are in a narcissistic abusive relationship. Narcissists take up a lot of your mental capacity. This puts you in survival mode. It becomes very difficult to navigate life.
Examples:
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Memory loss
- Rumination
- Unable to make decisions
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GET THE DOWNLOADSVerbal Abuse by a narcissist
In many circumstances, verbal abuse will last longer than some scars. Without ever touching you a narcissist can still hurt you significantly.
Examples:
- Threats
- Mocking
- Humiliating/shaming
- Name-calling
- Gaslighting
- Blaming
- Yelling/screaming
- Criticizing/discussing your insecurities
Sexual abuse by a narcissist
Many survivors report feeling like their sexual experiences with the narcissist were the times when they felt most connected. Intense lovemaking and physical intimacy strengthen the trauma bond.
Examples:
*This applies to any part of the course within the relationship with a narcissist. (married, dating, etc)*
- Non-consensual touching, fondling, intercourse, and oral sex
- Sexual aggression
- Sexual perversion
- Cheating/extramarital affairs/infidelity
- Unwanted touching and kissing
- Being forced to engage in sexual acts against your will
- Photographed/filmed without your consent
- Threatening to use those photographs/film to exploit you
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Physical abuse by a narcissist
It is common for your body to recognize the dangers of being with a narcissist before your mind does. It is your body’s internal alarm system saying there is a danger or threat. Being with a narcissist can make you sick. Listen when your body says it is not safe.
Examples:
- Headaches
- Body aches
- Numbness in limbs
- Stomach issues
- Shortness of breath
- Racing heart
- Kicking/hitting/biting
- Choking
Pinching/slapping - Beating with objects
- Food restrictions
- Force feedings
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FIND JOYFinancial Abuse By A Narcissist
When you are with a narcissist they can severely impact you financially. There is a financial impact no matter if the narcissist spends frequently or is extremely frugal.
Examples:
- Inability to save money
- Lacking financial stability
- Frequently overspending
- Playing financial catch-up
- Debt
- Payday loans
- Living check to check
- Not having access to finances
- Frequent arguments about finances
Digital Abuse By A Narcissist
This is when the narcissist controls the digital aspects of your life. The narcissist will use technology and social media as a way to manipulate, control, monitor, and threaten you.
Examples:
- Rejecting to you posting yourself, them, and you all as a couple on social platforms
- Controls your digital access
- Unwanted sexting
- Cyberbullying
- Constant texting
- Forcing you to share digital passwords and access with them
- Asking for photos of where you are and who you are with
- Digital stalking
- Controls your digital devices
- Digital tracking
- Digital harassing
Spiritual Abuse By A Narcissist
Spiritual abuse is sometimes called religious abuse, or spiritual violence. Some narcissists will use their or your spiritual and religious connection as a method of control and manipulation.
Examples:
- Using religious doctrine, scripture, and beliefs to justify their actions
- Dismissing their behavior
- Attacking your character
- Forcing attendance
- Using guilt and shame as manipulation tools
- Forcing conversion to spiritual or religious affiliation
- Forcing traditions and customs
- To excuse their mistreatment
- Using your commitment to your faith as a way to manipulate, control, or guide you in ways that benefit the narcissist.
Note:
A type of narcissism not commonly discussed is Communal Narcissism. They are found in all types of churches, synagogues, mosques, religious-backed organizations, and institutions. They are led by pastors, clergy, cult leaders, and others in spiritual and religious environments.
Examples:
- Requesting access to financial funds
- Demanding funds
In addition to all the other statements listed above for spiritual abuse and the additional statement in each section.
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