Why don’t they just leave? This is one of the most overstated comments people express about people who are in narcissistic toxic relationships.
The truth is, it’s NOT that simple.
The person you loved at the very beginning is not the person you see now. There are many reasons you may be struggling with leaving the narcissist. Many factors make it hard for victims to leave a narcissistic abusive relationship. It is very possible to get to the other side where joy is waiting for you. It is not easy but you can do it.
Reasons it’s is hard to leave a narcissistic abusive relationship
The narcissistic cycle of abuse
The cycle of narcissistic abuse is so familiar without knowing it all of the stages blend. What they think are just the regular highs and lows of a relationship are truly the hoovering and discards of a narcissistic abusive relationship.
The trauma bond
The trauma bond formed along with the narcissistic cycle of abuse is another force that rages war on your life. The constant pushing and pulling of the relationship continue to tear victims apart while simultaneously thrusting them back into the narcissist’s arms. This is where the victims find temporary soothing and comfort only. It does not last.
Hope
These two factors alone leave the victim hanging onto the hope the relationship will be restored. This makes it hard for the person to leave the narcissistic abusive relationship. The hope the relationship will one day return to its full potential keeps them stuck.
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Fear of starting over, being alone, or missing out are a few of the many concerns of victims. There are a million fears that prevent people from leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship. This is why the need for a healthy support system and mental health counseling is so important. Learning how to face those fears with clarity and confidence is critical.
Familiarity
The victim may struggle with leaving due to being familiar with the narcissist. It is difficult to imagine a life outside of the narcissistic relationship they have with the narcissist. A lot of times people will say I know it isn’t perfect but… and trail off into another reason to justify staying in the toxic relationship.
Shame
The shame of feeling like a failure makes it hard for many victims to leave a narcissistic abusive relationship. They recognize the relationship is not healthy but the shame of being viewed negatively prevents them from leaving.
Guilt
As much as the narcissist has hurt you like many victims and survivors they do not want to hurt the narcissist. These feelings of compassion prevent them from leaving.
Financial dependency
Many times narcissists will create financial barriers to prevent victims of narcissistic abuse from leaving. This creates an unfair and unhealthy power dynamic.
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Religious and spiritual obligations | Cultural traditions
Cultural factors play a significant role in people’s ability to navigate life. In some circumstances, divorce is not acceptable. There may be religious and spiritual commitments that also require a person to stay married to a narcissistic partner.
If these areas are present and it is possible, connect to a counselor who understands narcissist abuse. The counselor will provide you with tips on protecting yourself. If you are not able to do this consider additional creditable resources to learn as much as you can to support yourself.
Love
You may be struggling with still feeling very connected to the narcissist. Even if you are aware of the troubles the relationship has had and the difficulties you and the narcissist have the desire to be together is greater for you than being apart.
Not wanting to have a “broken” home
First, the home would not be broken if the narcissist was not in your home anymore. Leaving the narcissist also provides you the opportunity to have a more healed and joyful home.
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