If you are reading this, it probably means you have been in the soul-crushing grips of a narcissist, and you are trying to find your way out of one of the most painfully confusing times in your life. Recovering from narcissistic abuse is an exhausting journey that requires great effort. The grief wounds of being with a narcissist run deep. Your self-esteem, confidence, and overall well-being are impacted by being with a narcissist. Discover more about navigating the stages of grief and narcissistic abuse recovery.
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
-Rumi
Important Encouraging Message About Navigating the Stages of Grief
Healing from narcissistic abuse while winding your way through the stages of grief is challenging. There is hope for you. As you become familiar with the different stages you will be able to better understand yourself. Healing is not linear. You can expect to wander between the various stages of grief in no exact order. Be encouraged, and do not give up. This is one of many steps you will take to reclaim your joy.
Processing Shock During Grief With a Narcissist
The initial stage following narcissistic abuse is often characterized by shock. In this stage of grief, a lot of people first start to acknowledge there is a problem. You may find it hard to process your emotions and experiences. The initial explosion of your life blowing up right in front of you is hard to comprehend. The feeling of complete shock and disbelief is common. These feelings are hard to manage alone.
You may find yourself having difficulty accepting the fact that someone you loved and trusted could inflict such intense pain. Processing the pain is unbearable. The manipulation you have experienced is hard to understand. It is common to find yourself questioning the reality of the situation.
The Denial Stage of Grief During Narcissistic Abuse
In the grief stage of denial, many victims of narcissistic abuse get stuck. Each person is different. The amount of time might be weeks or years. Yikes! It’s scary to think about how long a person can endure the problems that come along with a person not wanting to acknowledge the truth of what they are experiencing but it happens.
Denial acts as a protective mechanism. It shields you from the full weight of the truth. Being in denial stunts your ability to heal from narcissistic abuse. Like all the stages of grief, the denial stage is difficult. The road ahead is frightening but not impossible to pass through. You can do it.
Facing denial successfully means to accept the person you once trusted and loved harmed you. No one is happy to acknowledge the painful reality that someone they loved and trusted could cause such deep levels of pain. Denying the harsh truth is dangerous and can lead to more damage.
Denial is a way to avoid the truth. When you do not fully recognize and accept the reality of what you are dealing with you increase your risk of more trauma. Clinging to the hope that the relationship with the narcissist will improve is destructive.
Wishing the connection with the narcissist was just a bad dream and waking up from it would be amazing, only it isn’t happening. Acknowledging the truth is an important part of the grief process and cannot be overlooked.
Not everyone can leave the narcissist. Even if you are not able to leave the narcissist you can still grieve. It is important to find additional ways to protect yourself and process your grief experience.
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We understand how confusing, overwhelming, and exhausted you feel as you try to heal. The heavy burden of dealing with trauma, narcissistic abuse, and grief is exhausting. You are NOT alone in this journey. As professional counselors who have both personal and professional experience in navigating these tough paths, we’re here to guide and support you every step of the way. We have a unique process designed to help you heal. Start counseling with us today.
Grief During the Bargaining Stage
During the bargaining stage, you will find yourself attempting to make sense of the abuse. Bargaining happens when you are in reflection mode. You think about everything that happens between you and the narcissist. The mental, emotional, financial, and other reasons for justification and excusing what has occurred. The bargaining stage is where a lot of victims try to find ways to make the relationship with the narcissist work.
Compromising in healthy relationships is healthy. When you attempt to compromise with a narcissist you betray yourself. During the bargaining stage, you rationalize the narcissist’s actions. You seek and sometimes create reasons to justify narcissistic behavior. Some victims and survivors will also believe and hope the narcissist will change.
Bargaining is a way to regain a sense of control. Narcissistic abusive relationships frequently have an element called the trauma bond. This is another reason why it is hard to process the pain caused by narcissists. During your time of being with and after the narcissist, a sense of chaos and instability is present. Your hope to have clarity, closure, and a possible return to the “good times” keeps you stuck.
It is important to recognize you cannot change the narcissist. Their patterns of manipulation and disregard for others are a huge part of their character.
During the bargaining stage, you will long for the relationship you had with the narcissist before you recognize the toxicity. The longing stems from a desire to reclaim the love, validation, and safety you felt during the initial idealization phase. When you recognize bargaining is a futile attempt to negotiate with the narcissist you can take your next steps in healing.
Understanding Anger in Stage of Grief of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Anger is a natural and common part of the grief process. It is only the tip of the iceberg. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse who are grieving feel deeply. So much has been taken from them. There has been so much damage done. Under anger, you can expect to feel disrespected, cheated, tricked, disappointed, hurt, betrayed, and more.
As you begin to accept the reality of your experiences you may feel intense anger. This anger can be directed at the narcissist, family, friends, other people involved, parents, your higher power, the person the narcissist cheated with if there was infidelity, and more. You may also become angry with yourself.
It’s crucial to channel this anger constructively. Use healthy outlets such as counseling, journaling, meditation, prayer, and fitness as options to help you process your emotions. Anger tends to rise as you come out of the denial stage. These intense emotions happen because something you valued was taken from you. It hurts so much because you cared and trusted them.
It is crucial to recognize anger is a natural response to injustice. Processing your anger constructively is essential. Acknowledging and expressing your anger is transformative to reclaiming your life and finding your joy. When you do not properly address anger, it can turn into depression.
As a professional counselor who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery, Angel M. Hoodye has written more about all of the stages of grief and how to heal in her latest book Joy Waiting on The Other Side Healing from Narcissistic Abuse.
Joy Waiting On the Other Side Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Book
Start your healing process from the pain caused by the person your heart loves the most. Find the clarity you need to stop heartache and confusion. Release yourself from the hurt caused by grief and betrayal. This book helps you explore your unique healing journey out of narcissistic abuse. It’s all the most talked about parts of the healing process for you to start healing now.
Depression and Grieving a Narcissist
In the depression stage of grieving a narcissist, you can expect to experience profound sadness and despair. The weight of your emotional turmoil and the loss of the relationship can leave you feeling isolated and exhausted. It is common to grieve not only for the loss of the narcissist but the idealized relationship. The relationship you hoped for and thought you had with the narcissist. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions fully without judgment.
When you grieve the loss of the relationship, as well as the turmoil endured, it often leads to feelings of sadness and depression. You must allow yourself to mourn.
Guilt and Shame Stages of Grief
During the grief process some victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse experience guilt and shame. You may be the one person who struggles with guilt and shame despite being the person who was wronged. Narcissists excel at manipulating their victims into believing they are at fault. Every stage of healing requires self-compassion and understanding. The blame lies solely with the abuser. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ABUSE.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSThe Acceptance Stage of Grieving a Narcissist
The final stage of acceptance is a pivotal point to reach in your healing journey of navigating grief. It involves acknowledging the reality of the abusive relationship and accepting the harsh truths of what you experienced and felt. Acceptance also means recognizing the truth about the narcissist.
Acceptance empowers you to let go of the pain and focus on reclaiming your life. With a newfound understanding of yourself, your emotions, and experiences you can break free from suffering and become a survivor.
Reaching the stage of acceptance signifies a significant milestone in the healing journey from narcissistic abuse. Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with the narcissist’s behavior in any way. Part of acceptance means you acknowledge the truth. Living in acceptance allows you to embrace the potential for a brighter future for yourself.
How You Can Continue to Heal Grief Caused by Narcissistic Abuse
We highly recommend you go to counseling and work with a trained professional who understands narcissistic abuse recovery, betrayal trauma, Narcissist Personality Disorder, and grief. Engage in self-care activities, connect with supportive people, and practice being mindful. Allow yourself to let go of the pain. Reclaim your life. Become more authentic and set firm boundaries. Remember, healing is not linear. You must be patient and kind to yourself throughout your healing journey.
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