Covert narcissists sometimes called vulnerable narcissists are very hard to detect. The covert type of narcissist is a bit more tricky because they do not display the standard narcissistic personality traits upfront. Their narcissism often takes some time to notice. Their behavior will seem dormant until you become familiar with the hidden traits of covert narcissists.
The unassuming behaviors of the covert make it very difficult to see the true qualities of their behavior in the very beginning. Sometimes described as a wolf in sheep’s clothing covert narcissists appear to be nice people. As you continue to engage with the narcissists their true intentions are revealed.
Find your way out of the fog. This post will help you break free from the confusion covert narcissistic individuals bring into your life. Become more aware of the hidden traits of covert narcissists. Know the behavioral patterns to be aware of and how the manipulation starts to take root.
Frequently plays the victim
Covert narcissists are meek in their behavior. They frequently act like the victim in situations. In the beginning, it’s hard to notice the villainous traits that are beneath the surface. Many narcissists have had childhood trauma and negative life experiences. They will use these same experiences to justify their actions. These types of excuses confuse you, leaving you feeling guilty about holding them accountable. Because of their past difficult experiences, you may want to give them more passes for behaving in ways that negatively impact your life.
Covert narcissists will present as if they are the person frequently being done wrong. They have the something bad always happens to me type of attitude. They may appear and be depressed. You may even notice low self-esteem qualities. They frequently blame others for their problems is frequent.
They often appear as the person who has hit a rough patch in life or who is down on their luck. You may find yourself wanting to help them only later to find out their intentions have been manipulative and cold.
Superiority complex
Coverts display a false sense of superiority. They fake confidence as a way to mask their deeply rooted insecurities. Their egotism is a charade, camouflaging their true insidious nature. Narcissists lack confidence. To protect themselves they will do everything they can to hide their true character.
There’s an emptiness about them
People have sometimes referred to narcissists as individuals with dead eyes. It’s as if their eyes have no light behind them. Covert narcissists have an emptiness that is hard to describe. The lack of confidence and high levels of insecurity increase the emptiness on the inside of the narcissists. This leads to a deep void that doesn’t allow them to truly embrace life.
Highly materialistic
Covert narcissists may have very nice elaborate items. This is done to help feed into their significantly low levels of confidence. They may acquire items to help boost their false sense of confidence. This is done with the mindset that if I have nice things or people see these things in connection with me they may view me more favorably.
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Withdrawn and self-isolating
Covert narcissists will withdraw intentionally to have others reach out to them. This is done to draw you into re-engaging with them. Once you connect back to the narcissists you serve as a form of validation and attention. The constant push and pull of the connection is draining. Without knowing it you have become part of the narcissistic cycle of abuse.
Stubbornness
Covert narcissists will not make changes in their life even if it is in their best interest, to spite others. Their stubbornness is beyond natural. They rarely apologize and struggle to take ownership of their parts in disagreements and difficulties. They struggle to experience true remorse and take responsibility for their actions. Some have fleeting moments of guilt, shame, and remorse. Covert narcissists will rarely apologize, as they have already justified their actions to themselves. Taking responsibility is highly unlikely. You may hear no apology at all. You might get an apology with a justification for why they did what they did.
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Flipping a situation around where you are the perpetrator and they are the victim is a natural skill for narcissists. Covert narcissists can take a situation where they have done something to cause you pain and switch it up to where you find yourself apologizing to them. They may use their past trauma as reasons to justify their actions towards you. Narcissists are master manipulators and liars. This ability to reverse situations to benefit themselves comes naturally to them.
Charming qualities as a disguise
Because covert narcissists are not always at the center of attention they may use charming, meek behaviors to encourage you to let your guard down. The superficial charming nature is a disguise to help you feel more comfortable. Once you are disarmed the manipulation begins. This is why connecting with Narcissistic Abuser Recovery Counselors like us is so helpful.
Hypersensitivity to any type of feedback
Covert narcissists struggle with any type of constructive feedback. No matter what you say or how you say it, they will receive your sharing with them as criticism. This leaves you confused and wondering how to approach them. You will find yourself wanting to avoid conversation for fear of disagreements and arguments. Their ultra-sensitivity makes it hard to address situations. Finding a real resolution to difficulties with you and the covert is very difficult. Unless you are praising them or positively giving them attention it’s all negative feedback to them.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSPassive-aggressive tendencies
Covert narcissists tend to display more passive-aggressive qualities when they are experiencing conflict. They will not be truthful outright and may leave out information intentionally. This may result in your receiving silent treatments as a way to punish you.
Speaks negatively about themselves often
They will not only act as the victim but they will behave in a way that makes you think they do not think very highly of themselves. Covert narcissists may frequently speak negatively about themselves as a way to garner attention. This attention feeds into their constant need for validation. It momentarily increases their level of confidence. The temporary validation boost increases their confidence.
You may find yourself having to frequently reassure this person. Other times you may find yourself having a great moment, and then having to pause to help the person because they were having a difficult time. This also means you don’t get the chance to have a bad day because you are busy focusing on them frequently.
Although covert narcissists or not very forthcoming about their behaviors they still very much enjoy the attention and are concerned about how others will view them. They work tirelessly to perfect and protect their image. They tend to be viewed as good people, although they are hiding a very sinister character underneath.
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