What does the other person have that I don’t? This is the question many survivors have asked themselves when it comes to the narcissist’s new supply. If you have asked yourself this a million times, and you still cannot figure it out, the answers can be found in this post.
First Things First, The New Supply is NOT New Supply
Let me clear the air by saying the “new supply” is not new. The supply may be new to you, but the narcissist was already aware. Narcissists frequently have several sources of supply stored up and ready to support their narky needs.
It’s important to recognize a common pattern in the behavior of narcissists: they rarely wait to find new supply; they often have supply lined up well in advance. Narcissists typically ensure they have a reserve of people. They will have different people to support different needs such as admiration, attention, validation, habitation, finances, sexual, and more. All of this happens long before their current relationship (the one they have with you) shows signs of ending.
This strategic planning is NOT about genuine connection but about ensuring they are never without the validation and ego boost they constantly seek. Understanding this is crucial for anyone recovering from a narcissistic relationship. It’s NOT about your inadequacy—it’s about their inability to connect and value others genuinely.
You need to stay informed, remain courageous, and remember that your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
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It Was Never About What You Didn’t Have
Narcissists look for new victims. Because nothing or no one is ever enough, they look for narcissists’ new supply. Narcissistic supply is attention, validation, praise, acknowledgment, and being looked upon as favorable. They constantly search to feed their insecurities. This has nothing to do with you at all. Narcissists are highly insecure. They want to avoid responsibility and vulnerability at all costs. They will do whatever it takes to get what they want. What you do have is yourself. Now is the time for you to focus on loving yourself completely. You are more than enough just as you are complete.
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It is Not Because You Were Not Good Enough
The narcissist’s behavior is not a reflection of you. The narcissist is not enough for themselves. Their insecurities cause them to act in ways that are not supportive of you or them. Comparing yourself to the narcissistic new supply does help you heal. Stop searching your brain for answers to problems you did not create. The narcissist does not want you to believe you are enough. When you do not believe in yourself, you are less likely to let go. This keeps you stuck. The narcissist stays in control. The lack of confidence in the narcissist has nothing to do with you. They have to work on themselves. You are more than enough. You are not responsible for repairing the brokenness that exists inside of them.
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It Was Not About What You Did Not Do
You probably gave everything you could and did everything you knew to do. Narcissists are hard to please. This is not your fault. They are never satisfied but may experience short-term satisfaction. This is why you might have a good day or moments with them. This also gives you hope that the relationship can be improved. You compare the good days to the bad days, and if you still love the narcissist, you are more likely to stay. The trauma bond is made stronger. Before you know it, you are questioning yourself. You begin to doubt what is really happening. This makes it hard for you to heal. Remember, you did what you could do. They are not satisfied but it is not because of you. Make it a point to do what is best for you.
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There is No Competition to Match You
This is not a competition. You do not have to compete with anyone. The truth is the narcissist knows your value and they hope that you don’t see it. If you don’t recognize your quality and your worth, you are more likely to stay and put up with them. Comparing yourself to the new supply is a distraction. Focusing your attention on your healing journey. Your only competitor is you. Instead of focusing on the narcissists or the narcissist’s new supply, direct your attention to loving yourself.
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The Narcissist is The problem
The new supply is not the problem. The narcissist is the problem. Narcissist struggle with keeping up appearances and maintaining their image. They work to protect their insecurities and vulnerability. You have a problem if you keep the narcissist in your life. The good news is you DO NOT HAVE TO keep the narcissist in your life. Evict the narcissist. You do not have to give the narcissist anything else. Free them from your heart and mind. Comparing yourself to the narcissist’s new supply is not the answer. Wondering why you weren’t good enough will not fix the issues. Leave the problems with them. Healing from narcissistic abuse is complicated but not impossible. Let the narcissists take care of themselves. You do not have to take ownership of their problems.
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