Private Grief
In private grief, the deep sorrow is held close to the heart of the person suffering the loss. There are many thoughts to ponder about grieving silently. First, choosing to grieve a part from others does not mean someone is trying to be strong. Instead, keeping suffering away from others might relieve the pressure to conversate, chat, have discussions, or listen to awkward comments.
Sometimes, going it alone can save yourself from people who think they need to save you from a painful process that you must work through. Private endurance can prevent having to consider the feelings of others during a period of extreme emotional tenderness and at the same time, investing energies into focusing on your personal recovery.
While the pressure might be off, it is possible to isolate close friends, family, children, and perhaps your partner. In addition to isolating living loved ones, you become vulnerable to avoidance strategies which typically delay healing. Withholding the details about the hardship does not eliminate the discomfort, anger, or anxiety you might experience. Deciding to engage in private grief does not mean you will escape or expedite your process through this sorrowful time. If you have decided to persevere on your own, it is important to take the time to acknowledge, label, and confront your pain.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSCultural and Personal Beliefs
There are differences in ways of thinking, feeling, and methodologies about handling grief. Across nations and ethnicities, societal rules exist, families develop traditions, plus individuals encounter subjective experiences, all of which guide how people approach grief. Ceremonies often provide a foundation for expressing emotions, honoring the loss, and supporting the griever.
On the other hand, some traditions highlight shared bereavement practices. There are many beliefs surrounding religion influencing how people view life and loss. Often people use their belief system to cope with suffering and connect with meaning.
Some cultures place significant importance on community encouragement while other cultures give precedence to private grief using personal contemplation and independence while working through grief. Perceiving grief from your cultural lens can affect how you choose to navigate your grief process, whether shared or private.
Consider the country where you were raised. Perhaps compare your nation of origin to where you reside presently. Notice the differences in belief systems, traditions, and some of your personal sufferings. In light of these considerations, comparisons, and sufferings, you have likely learned that you possess your own idea of how you might like to go through your sorrow.
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FIND JOYEmotional Vulnerability
Emotional vulnerability is common during the time of grieving for most people. Loss is accompanied by feelings of distress, insecurity, and confusion; all of which instinctually arouse the need to rely on others for support and comfort. At times it’s difficult to maintain composure. Especially, when your loss is due to the death of a loved one, broken relationship, or life-threatening illness along with other circumstances that could alter our way of living.
Perhaps you have noticed or experienced individuals displaying increased sensitivity during body viewing, while condolences are being offered, and at a burial. Depending on how much value you place upon what has been lost, withholding the sharing of your struggles might make you feel an amplified sense of isolation.
Wisdom about how others made it through such a gut-wrenching season of life can be a very welcomed gift to relieve feelings of aloneness. Sharing your feelings with someone who can normalize rather than make you feel condemned can actually be a great comfort in the healing process. Moreover, grievers tend to be super sensitive when having to decision-make or problem-solve; so, knowing you have a support system to rely on may be helpful in decreasing task overload as well as some stress.
Identifying Individual Needs
Managing grief is personal. You might find consolation in seclusion, allotting time to reflect, coming to terms with your loss, and healing. Solitude further permits you to devote more energy to self-soothing while meeting your unique needs. Journaling is an individual exercise where feelings can be expressed and memories reflected upon. Creative activities such as painting, drawing, or poetry writing are outlets for those choosing to reserve the sharing of their grief experience.
On the other hand, some folks prefer to have lots of family and friends surrounding them. Having others around to help carry the burdens of pain, fear, overwhelm, and bring in a bit of happiness and laughter despite the sad occasion, can be helpful in managing grief responses. Grief support groups also serve as a huge help to those preferring to share suffering via engagement in meaningful conversations. Only you can determine your needs. It can be wise to think about your inclinations ahead of time to have some sense of preparedness when losses occur.
No Obligations
We have the freedom to make the choices that are most suitable for ourselves. Living through the intensity of grief is a very hard position to be in for most people. The capacity to suffer in general is tough. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Take the time to understand your values, beliefs, preferences, and limitations. Self-awareness is necessary for making decisions in alignment with what matters most to you.
Whether private or shared, how you choose to grieve is a process exclusive to you. It is important to respect individual choices and ask for support when needed. While there is no universal rule dictating whether grief should be private or shared, there are valid reasons why some people choose to grieve privately. Since you are under no obligation to stick to one particular way of grieving, you can always change your mind about what you want to do as you self-discover.
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