Telling the narcissist your plans
If you are doing this with the hopes of scaring the narcissist it will not work. Threatening to leave will not work. The narcissist will note what you have shared and do one of two things. Ignore it because they do not believe you. The narcissist may plan a counterattack to your plans.
Not believing what the narcissist has shown you
Do not ignore the lies, the disappointments, the broken trust, and all the things they have done and said. When you do not believe what you have experienced from the narcissist you are more likely to stay stuck. Giving the narcissist the benefit of the doubt is not safe. Focus on validating yourself and your truth.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSPutting the narcissist’s needs before your own
This isn’t about being selfish, it is about survival. You may have given your all to the narcissist. You probably have given more than you had to give to the narcissist only for them to say something like “I didn’t ask you to do that.”
This knocks the winds out of your sails, and you still keep trying to love the narcissist back into being a good person. Putting your needs first is important for your healing. If you allow the narcissist to continue to take from you they will take everything you have to offer. This is not to victim blame/shame. This is shared with hopes of strongly encouraging you to put yourself first. You have given the narcissist enough.
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Hoping the narcissist will change
Having hope in unhealthy places keeps you trapped. The narcissist is hoping you will not wake up from the nightmare of narcissistic abuse. Hoping the narcissist will change has the potential to keep you in unsafe situations longer.
Trying to figure out what the narcissist is doing
You will do some serious ruminating. This will cause you to lose countless hours of sleep. You may become extremely anxious and depressed. Be prepared to be confused a lot. You can end up spending a lot of time wondering what everything means, and what are they doing. Instead of putting countless hours into the detective work of being with the narcissist is better used by taking care of yourself.
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Believing you and the narcissist are a team
You and the narcissist are NOT on the same side. The narcissist is on their side. Their thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs matter to them.
The narcissist knows what they are doing. They are not in your best interests. Instead of focusing on the narcissist focus on yourself. Putting your peace on pause is NOT working, because it never has…
Take care of yourself first. Believe, trust, care, and love yourself.
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